Jerkstore on the road

So, you know what annoys me? People that nearly kill me. You know what annoys me more? When those people get mad at me when they nearly kill me.

This morning, I was heading to work. I was on MoPac, in the far left lane. I decided to move to the center lane, so I carefully checked that it was clear, and then moved over. Shortly after I move over, I hear a loud honk rather close to me. I look to my right and see a big ‘ole SUV just behind me trying to push into my spot, or more accurately, trying to run me over. I speed up, and swerve slightly to the left to avoid being flattened by this behemoth.

So, how do I know it was his fault and not mine? Very simple. When I change lanes, after making sure the lane is clear, I move quickly into the nearest part of the lane: in this case, the left side of the lane. Then I slowly slide to the center of the lane. When the gas-guzzling maniac this morning honked at me, I was already in the center of the lane. I had been in the lane for a few seconds already. This dorkus barely had his front left wheel in the lane, although that was changing rapidly, as he barreled into my place. There was no way he started to change lanes before I did, and since I was in front of him, if he had pulled his face from the interior of his rectum for a moment, he would’ve clearly seen my bright yellow motorcycle in the very space he was attempting to enter.

Now, I’m sure it wasn’t maliciousness on his part, but rather carelessness. My vehicle, while bright, is small. Surely anyone with two eyes and half a brain cell would have seen that I was definitely in the center lane when he began to move into it, but perhaps he only has a quarter of a brain cell. In that case, I surely can’t hold him accountable.

Now, just in case that failure of a person is reading this right now, I have a suggestion for you. Before you get in your car again, I think you may want to see your doctor. It’s possible there’s a surgical procedure that can remove your head from your anus, which would definitely help when you’re on the road next time. Barring that, maybe you should become familiar with Capital Metro. They provide a great service, and would definitely help you avoid any more problems like the one we had this morning.